Get your hard hat and personal protective equipment, we’re under construction, baby!
Day in and day out, you are constructing how you view yourself and the world around you.
You’ve constructed your image of your mom in a very specific way. But instead of wood, screws, and bricks, it’s made of experiences, time, and emotion.
In the same way, you’ve constructed an idea of everyone in your life, they have all constructed an idea of you.
Whether or not the models you and everyone else have built are accurate, they are defining.
These models define how and when you interact with each person, the role they play in your life, and how you handle conflict with them.
Our subconscious is hyper-aware of these models because they usually dictate the path of a relationship.
But what about the model you’ve constructed of yourself?
The Mental Model of Yourself
Understanding the mental model you’ve constructed of yourself allows you to deeply understand yourself and your life (past, present, and future).
There are four main components to the mental model you have of yourself:
How you describe yourself
How others describe you
How you talk to yourself
How you envision your future self
The make-up of your model isn’t exactly 25% each. You may rely more on how others describe you than how you describe yourself. The combination of each component and the degree to which it impacts your mental model is part of the construction process.
Each component is deeply intertwined with emotions, experiences, successes and failures, and more.
The mental model you have of yourself isn’t a Lego Duplo set. It’s the 4,016-piece Lego Death Star set.
It’s highly complex, with a lot of moving pieces. So, understanding your mental model will take time. But with time comes understanding.
How Do You Describe Yourself?
How do you describe yourself to others? How about to yourself?
When someone asks you to describe yourself, do you say, “I’m a husband, father, and tech executive,” or do you say, “I’m a cook and drummer in a band”?
Do you describe yourself by the roles you play in other people's lives or the hobbies you have? Or do you describe yourself using characteristics or achievements?
How you describe yourself both externally and internally will dictate how you see yourself and, thus how you present yourself to the world.
When someone asks me who Jade Cessna is, I will likely never say that I am a Project Manager for a Renewable Energy company. That’s because I never wanted my job to define who I am as a person. More often than not, I describe myself by the roles I play in other people’s lives or the hobbies I have.
“Hi! My name is Jade, and I’m a reader and writer. I also have a little brother who I adore, and I have 15 younger cousins. I really enjoy spending time with my family and boyfriend.”
How you describe yourself says a lot about how you perceive yourself on the inside. Clearly, I perceive my value as whatever role I play in the lives of others. Now, whether that’s a good or bad thing is a conversation for another time…
Either way, be aware of how you describe yourself to others and yourself. It sets the tone for the mental model you build of yourself in your head.
How Do Others Describe You?
I’m not talking about how some Joe Schmo's out on the street describe you. I’m talking about the people who are deeply involved in your life, knowing who you are and what you’ve been through.
What do other people perceive as being your strongest or most prominent features? It’s important to take these into consideration for many reasons.
If the way people describe you is inconsistent with how you describe yourself, then there’s instability in your mental model. Maybe others recognize the greatness in you that you have yet to recognize in yourself.
It’s all a part of the construction process, but at least being aware of the gap allows you to make some adjustments in your construction plan.
How other people describe you constructs who you are in such a deep way because you either try to live up to those standards or push against them.
If people accurately describe you as hardworking, then you will want to continue to be a hard-working person, pushing yourself every day to be better.
But if people inaccurately describe you as stubborn, then you’ll likely try to push against that and prove how docile you actually are.
How Do You Talk to Yourself?
How you talk to yourself lays the foundation for how you construct your mental model.
The way you talk to yourself is so important to your self-image that people around you probably know how you talk to yourself simply by the way you act.
If you talk to yourself in a demeaning way, your actions will reflect that. You will do things that show others that you don’t respect yourself.
Even further, you will project your insecurities onto other people and start to put your internal feelings about yourself onto them.
It’s textbook. The way you talk to yourself in your head will infiltrate every aspect of your life.
It’s one of the most crucial steps in the construction process- if the foundation starts off cracked with negative self-talk, the whole building will collapse.
How Do You Envision Your Future Self?
Finally, how you envision your future self plays a large role in the construction of your mental model.
The reality is that most days, you aren’t trying to be yourself. You’re trying to be some idealized version of yourself.
If you were yourself, then you would lay in bed and watch TikTok all day instead of striving toward your goals and passions. Am I right, or am I right??
How you envision your future self gives you reasons to wake up each day and push yourself to do better and be the best version of yourself.
The way you envision your future self is like looking at the blueprint of the final architecture.
And because the construction process of our mental model is a lifetime endeavor, sometimes the blueprint is the only thing that keeps us motivated to push through the hard days.
Real Talk
Constructing a mental model of yourself is not easy.
It takes continual input and refinement.
Self-awareness and knowing the weight of each component in the makeup of your model is key.
Your model is ever-evolving as you take in input about each of the four components.
The more you live and experience, the deeper you’re able to refine your model.
The mental model you have of yourself should serve as a support system in the good times and the bad.
Does your mental model serve to support you or destroy you?