Okay, okay…maybe I’m being a bit dramatic. But you can’t blame me! It seems that society hypes up the decade between 10 and 30 to be the best of our lives.
But if this is the BEST?? Um…no, thank you. That’s all I’ve got to say.
Jokes aside, being in your 20s is a unique period in the timeline of your life. Most of us experience big life transitions in this decade.
Some dedicate their lives to one person and get married. Others have their first (or second or third) child. Still, others start their first career. And some do all three in just these ten years.
There’s a lot about your 20s that people talk about- mostly the good- like being independent, discovering your calling in life, or moving to a new city. But there’s a lot that people don’t talk about.
Here are five things no one talks about about being in your 20s. My goal is to shine some light on some of the hard things we 20-somethings face. So, if you’re experiencing any of these, you know you’re not alone!
5 Things About Your 20s That No One Talks About
#1 Feeling Lost or Unsure of Your Life Purpose or Direction
Picture this: you just graduated from college, obtaining a degree in a subject matter that is really important to you and interests you. You got a job that perfectly aligns with your shiny new degree, and yet…you never feel more lost in your life.
At multiple points throughout our lives, we’ll experience the feeling of being lost or unsure of what our life purpose or direction is. But in your 20s, it feels especially intense.
The combination of pressure to do well and ‘make it’ on your own, along with exploring what fuels you and enriches your life, amplifies this intensity.
Not to mention, adulthood itself can be overwhelming with new responsibilities, choices, and expectations that can be difficult to navigate.
Some days, you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the reflection. What once seemed so clear is now lost among the haze of work, responsibilities, and constant questioning.
It’s exhausting maintaining the persona of success, achievement, and confidence that society instigates, while behind closed doors you struggle with fulfillment, purpose, and an understanding of self.
From an early age, we are taught that success is measured by achievements such as getting good grades, finding a well-paying job, and achieving financial stability. However, it’s often quick that 20-year-olds struggle to find meaning in these traditional markers of success and feel lost if these expectations aren’t met.
It’s easy to feel pressure to compare ourselves to others, especially with the constant presence of social media, instilling feelings of inadequacy and doubt. This leads me to my next point…
#2 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Self-Doubt
In your 20s, you come face to face with so many new environments and circumstances that push you to the breaking point, often leading to self-doubt or experiencing imposter syndrome.
By the time you make it to your 20s, it’s perceived that you have it all figured out. Getting to know yourself and your ‘coming of age’ story seems to be reserved for your teenage years.
But even in your 20s, you are still developing your sense of self and figuring out who you are. This process of self-discovery can be challenging in ways never before experienced when coupled with the pressure to succeed and the fear of failure.
How you identified in high school, along with your interests, talents, and what makes you happy, may not be the same as in college. This still stands true as you enter the workforce or begin a serious relationship.
It’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of your 20s and look back at the life you previously lived and want that instead.
Comparing your life now to a life you once had leads you to feel imposter syndrome, which discourages you from living your life now to its greatest potential.
Social media plays a big role in our lives and can significantly contribute to the self-doubt we experience. Constantly seeing the lives and success of others and comparing where we are relative to everyone else is a modern phenomenon we are forced to navigate.
#3 Feeling Lonely
Making! Friends! In! Your! Twenties! Is! Hard!
Once you are not surrounded by institutions like school or sports, it’s hard to find people with the same interests as yourself, let alone people who are your ‘kind’ of people. Further, it’s hard to find people to connect with on a deep level and find companions you want to journey through life alongside.
Not only do you experience hardship in finding new friends, but you come to the realization of just how hard it is to maintain friendships you once had. The end of high school or college typically means the beginning of the fade of friendships you once held close.
Social media, while aimed at increasing connectedness, often does the opposite and increases the feeling of loneliness. The pressure to be constantly social and engaged has made it easier than ever to see what others are doing, leading to a sense of FOMO.
This pressure can make it difficult to feel comfortable spending time alone or finding peace in pursuing solitary activities. Not being comfortable alone in combination with actually being alone can make loneliness feel like the monster under the bed.
#4 Navigating the Pressure to Conform to Societal Norms and Expectations
Maybe you just graduated college and feel the need to choose a career that is seen as prestigious or financially stable, even if it does not align with your own interests or values. Or maybe you just got married and are feeling the pressure to start building a family by having your first kid.
There seems to be this path in life that society (our family, friends, and especially the media) portray as being The Path to the most successful version of life. Society tries to herd us down the same neatly carved route.
Having a model of what our life should look like, what our physical appearances should be, and the lifestyle we ‘should’ live makes it hard to want to diverge from The Path. The Path seems the safest option. And truthfully, it is.
At some point during our 20s, we come face to face with the fact that maybe The Path isn’t for us. Maybe even just one aspect of The Path rubs us the wrong way and becomes something that we want to stray from despite the fear or risks involved.
But the pressures of society and the desire to feel wanted and accepted get in the way of us creating our own paths. We often feel that in order to be successful, we must strictly stick to The Path.
This creates pressure to constantly portray the best versions of ourselves and to meet those expectations. That type of pressure is not the kind that turns rocks into diamonds- it’s often the kind that pushes us until we fall.
#5 Learning the Balance of Being Independent of and Dependent on Friends and Family
In your 20s, you will likely experience different versions of adulthood.
There’s the ‘Pseudo adult-child’ role you play in college or fresh out of high school.
Then there’s the ‘Starting to pay some bills but still financially dependant on mom and dad’ adult.
Then there’s the ‘Financially independent but still doesn’t understand how to pay medical expenses or how to improve your credit score’ adult.
As we get older and our responsibilities grow, we search for the balance of both independence from and dependence on family and friends. This balance can be tough to find.
Complete independence is something only a few people truly want (or need). Throughout the entirety of our lives, we will want and need to be dependent upon others. But it’s hard to start to make the transition and figure out what that balance looks like for you personally.
Trying to rely on your parents less and figure things out yourself can sometimes mean added time or stress. Relying more on your friends for emotional stability than your siblings or even transitioning to be dependent on a significant other is hard.
Our need for the people in our lives will ebb and flow. We are extremely dependent on our parents through childhood, but that comes to an end when we graduate high school and move on to college or work. But we may find ourselves relying heavily on our parents again with the birth of our first child as we seek their wisdom and guidance.
Deciding to what degree you want to be dependent on and independent from those around you is a tough balance to strike and is something not a lot of people often talk about as being troublesome, even though most of us experience this.
Real Talk
Every part of life is going to be met with new and unbeknownst challenges. There are so many blessings about being in your 20s, but it’s also hard.
If you are in your 20s and struggling with a transition (or the anticipation of one), just know you’re not alone. We should all approach this time in our lives (and every time, quite frankly) with great understanding and empathy toward one another.
We will all get through this period of time and come out the other side better than before; I just know it.